Marriage is hard enough, then add a house, a business and a baby...boom it's a bit hectic around here. So what the heck add one more baby to the mix and things are definitely not the same. I thought having a second child would be a cinch. How hard could it be? Everyone that told me I was so lucky with Jack being a good baby just didn't get it. I was a good mom and he was my reflection. I didn't yell, the house was somewhat organized and his super intelligence was partly from his brainiac father but mostly because I just talked to him so damn much.
Then Lily arrives and literally from the minute she took her first breath we began the roller coaster. In fact, the first night at the hospital I called the nurse and handed Lily to her and said "Something is wrong, she just won't stop crying." The nurse laughed and said she is just a new baby getting adjusted. In my mind I was thinking "Duh, she must not have children bc Jack was never like this ever!" From that moment on my ego was in overdrive. I was going to come home bc the hospital was upsetting her and everything would be perfect. Laundry would be done, house would be clean, my husband would be happy, Jack would be completely adjusted with a new sister & my business would be booming and I will just go there everyday with baby in tow. Yeah, that never happened. Laundry piled up, I didn't show up to the studio for like a month or so and my husband wanted me dead for sure and Jack pretty much wanted Lily to go back to the hospital. Oh and Lily never stopped crying...for like two months!!
So what is the Ego and if I am such a scholar yogi why would my ego be out of whack. Well, for many reasons, but most importantly because I am human. I also live in a world where the social expectations are set high for moms. If you let the social expectations get the best of you, then your ego will take over and cause a lot of unwanted stress.
Well, here I am four months later and my ego is starting to go back into hits hiding place. What has helped me...other moms. It's like a secret society. You could be at the grocery store and your kid is flipping out and all the moms give you that look like "I feel your pain sister and it's gonna be ok." Also, online support groups, for entrepreneur moms, breast feeding moms, etc. I think the most helpful has been the breastfeeding support groups. Every other person tells me I should give my 15lb four month old formula bc she is hungry or so I could get a break. Don't they get it, yeah I am tired but the moment of bonding is my break from the chaos around me sometimes. If you want to help me with my new one just support my breast feeding decision. It was a rough start but I made it here alive and well and so did Lily. Of course the doctors all thought I had post par tum but I was just being honest. When they asked if I wanted to injure anyone in one of my many post par tum visits I said "Yes, my husband". Once I said that they new I would be ok. Poor Ed.
Do I want to be at every event, especially when it comes to yoga...sure. Am I...no. My time will come, right now I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that's with my family, ego less and happy and possibly surrounded by piles of laundry :)
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